


Daddy Valenti

by a1_kitkat



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Affection, Age Difference, Betrayal, Bisexual Character, Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Consensual Sex, Daddy Issues, M/M, Not Beta Read, One Night Stands, POV Alternating, RNMweek2019, Roswell New Mexico Week, Straddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 15:33:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20010634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: Growing up, Alex always knew he could rely on Jim Valenti whenever he needed him. Years later Alex finds the perfect way to thank him for his help and guidance.It’s a secret they both agree never to reveal to anyone but the thing about secrets... they never stay buried.





	Daddy Valenti

**Author's Note:**

> I’m going to issue a WARNING here but only because I understand the subject matter may be controversial.
> 
> Please keep an open mind!   
> RNM Week - Day 7 called for SOMETHING BOLD. So that’s what I went for. I pushed myself to create something special and *different*
> 
> This was intended as a daddy kink fic so if that’s not your thing, I totally understand... however it didn’t really go that way. Instead it’s heartfelt and angsty. It deals with the relationships of all the characters involved and the dynamics of this relationship. 
> 
> I tried to make it as close to canon as possible so it does have MALEX aspects. 
> 
> There are scenes of GRAPHIC SEXUAL content; scenes between Alex (who is of age) and Jim. These scenes also include a lot of emotions (or so I tried). So yes I understand Jim/Alex may offend or disturb readers but it was NOT my intention to rub people the wrong way.

Being the town Sheriff wasn’t the easiest job in the World but Jim Valenti loved it all the same. He loved the small town life and took great pride in protecting and serving the community. His fatherly heart gave him a soft spot for the youth in the town, not just his son and his friends but all the children in Roswell.

His work outside the law with Project Shepherd gave him even more reason to worry about the younger members of the community. Between himself and Jesse Manes, they knew there were bigger threats in the World than underage drinking and hit-and-runs.

Jim had been making plans to help Rosa Ortecho, his secret child, to get cleaned up and free of her addiction. It hadn’t been easy to convince her that he only had the best intentions for her and her future. He never had to worry about Kyle getting into mischief as he had a good head on his shoulders and a goal for  _ his _ future. 

The only other youth he was particularly worried about was Alex Manes. The young man was bright, talented and creative; something Jim had learned very early about Jesse’s youngest but around the time he started to realize Alex’s potential Jesse had noticed something else. 

It took a few weeks, nay months, before Jim caught on to the mistreatment. Each time he saw a new bruise on Alex’s neck, noticed him limping or nursing a sprained finger, he spoke up only to have Jesse argue back.

Unfortunately for Jim he was not a faithful man; having had several affairs over the years (most of which his wife was unaware of); Jesse Manes had leverage over him so any time he wanted to step in and tell him to stop beating his own son, he never got very far.

Once he realized he couldn’t stop it then he tried his best to simply be there for Alex. Took every opportunity to make sure Alex knew he’d help him if he could.

It was early one evening when he got the call he’d subconsciously been waiting for. He didn’t hesitate to jump in his car and drive to the Manes home where he found Alex still clinging to the phone he’d used to call Jim.

He gently pried his fingers from the handset and tried to evaluate the damage. It took Alex four attempts to assure him that the blood on his face wasn’t his and Jim responded by scooping Alex into his arms and carrying him out to his car.

Alex didn’t say a word as Jim drove back to his place and he didn’t ask any questions of the young man either. Whatever had happened he was going to need some time to process it. Once they reached Jim’s home, he gently ushered Alex inside and sat him down on the couch.

He returned with bandages and a damp cloth which he used to wipe the blood from Alex’s face. Jim was dying to ask questions but he didn’t want to pry either.

Once he’d washed the blood away Alex reached for the now stained cloth and just stared at it. His eyes didn’t appear to be focusing and all Jim wanted to do was hug the poor still trembling boy. 

“It’s not my blood” he whispered.

“You said that already son” Jim replied. “Is it Jesse’s? Did he…?” Hurt himself while hurting you he wanted to ask but Alex shook his head.

“Michael” he choked on the name. The pain so clear in his eyes.

“Michael... Guerin?” 

An uneasy feeling immediately washed over him. Alex slowly nodded his head and finally closed his eyes. Guerin was a mystery to many in town but Jim knew; Jim  _ suspected _ there was more to him, he wasn’t just the poor foster kid who was often seen sleeping in his truck. He was certain Jesse Manes would not encourage a friendship between Michael and Alex.

He didn’t know what to do as the tears began to silently roll down Alex’s cheeks. Jim slowly reached out a hand, carefully slid his arm around his shoulder and tried to comfort him.

“It had  _ nothing _ to do with him” Alex whispered “what Michael and I did… what happened between us”

“It’s okay son” Jim whispered as his chest tightened.

“It was my first… my first time with a boy… with anyone… and I… I really thought he liked me”

He closed his eyes as Alex’s words really sunk in. Every fear Jesse had about Alex was true; the young man was gay, had finally stopped ignoring the rumors that were whispered around town and acted upon feelings he felt for another young man.

He could picture it so clearly in his head; two nervous boys being caught by Jesse Manes. If Alex had blood on his face what exactly had Jesse done to them?

“Oh Alex” Jim kept his voice even and gentle “I’m sure he liked you very much”

“My dad hurt him” Alex sobbed “badly… He’ll probably never speak to me ever again”

“Alex, what Jesse did wasn’t your fault”

“Of course it was!” 

Alex looked up at him with tear filled eyes and Jim paused. He reached out a gentle hand and softly brushed the tears from his cheeks. 

A memory stirred in his mind; a long time ago, when he wiped the tears from the face of another young man. One who’d tried to kiss him in his youth only to be pushed away, rejected, because Jim had been scared. He couldn’t let Alex suffer like that.

“Alex, your father-” he started.

“Don’t say he loves me and just wants what’s best for me” Alex cut him off.

“Your father isn’t an easy man to get along with and he’s made a lot of mistakes… but you are who you are and you can’t change that. Don’t deny yourself a chance to be happy with a boy you clearly care about”

“Thank you for coming to get me”

“I’ll always be there for you Alex; I promise”

Alex slowly nodded his head in understanding.

“Michelle will be home soon,” Jim said to him with a smile. “I’m sure she won’t be opposed to you staying on the couch tonight”

“Oh no, I couldn’t-”

“I insist, son, you’re not going home tonight. No matter what. Just remember you’re safe here”

With those words, Jim left the room and returned a moment later with a pillow and blanket which he placed on the arm of the couch. He reached out and gently squeezed Alex’s shoulder in what he hoped comforted the young man. When Alex smiled up at him, he quickly removed his hand and reluctantly left the room to give him some time to process and recover.

Once free of Alex’s presence, he paused and took a slow deep breath. Just when he thought Jesse couldn’t sink any lower, he went and did  _ this _ . Jim couldn’t wait for the day he or someone stood up to him and he finally got what he deserved.

*-*-*-*-*

It was his first trip home in more than six months and if he was being completely honest, he was truly dreading it. Since his initial enrollment Alex had only been back to Roswell a handful of times and those visits had been for Maria or Mimi. He didn’t like going home; it was never a pleasant experience and this one wasn’t likely to be any different unless he did something about it.

Alex had lived with secrets his entire life or so he thought. His own father had figured out his deepest, darkest secret before he’d learned it himself but he’d grown up a lot in recent years and his eyes had been opened to a World of possibilities and opportunities.

He knew what he wanted more than anything else but it was a risk; a risk he wasn’t quite sure he was ready to take just yet but he knew he didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to have to see his father or face his scrutiny. So he walked the familiar streets, his eyes scanning the vicinity because it’s what he was trained to do. His hands were shaking as he shoved them into his pockets but he walked with determination.

When the house was within sight he paused and wondered if he was about to make a mistake. What if he’d made it all up? Maybe he was remembering things wrong or envisioning something he only  _ wanted _ to be true. Alex took a deep breath and stepped up to the front door. He nervously raised his fist and knocked very loudly.

It took a few moments until he heard footsteps then the door opened before him and his face broke into a nervous yet wide smile which only grew when the man before him grinned equally as wide and held his arms open for a hug.

Alex didn’t hesitate and he threw himself into Jim Valenti’s open arms, closed his eyes as he was enveloped in what he imagined was a fatherly embrace.

“Let me look at you son” Jim said as he made to pull away from Alex but the younger man wasn’t ready to let go and held on that bit tighter. “It’s alright, Alex, it’s okay”

He hadn’t realized his eyes were brimming with tears and he fought desperately hard to blink them back before he reluctantly pulled away.

“Sheriff” Alex greeted him with another smile.

“Alex, please call me Jim”

“Are you sure sir?”

“Of course. Now come inside and let me look at you”

Jim placed his hand upon Alex’s back and ushered him inside. The small touch was enough to send an excited shiver down his spine but he forced himself to remain in check, didn’t want to show his hand too soon. He allowed himself to follow Jim into the living room and when he was offered a seat he dropped down on the couch.

“Can I get you something to drink, soldier?” Jim asked “you  _ are _ old enough to drink right?”

“I am, sir, but I’m fine” Alex said with a smile “I uh wouldn’t want to tempt you”

“Wouldn’t be the first time; won’t be the last”

Alex laughed as his eyes scanned the photos above the fireplace.

“Is uh that Kyle’s graduation?” He asked.

“Yep”Jim was beaming with pride.

“You all look so happy” his face fell “one happy family”

He looked down at his hands and suddenly wished he hadn’t said no to that drink. He heard the shuffling of Jim’s feet as he moved to the fireplace, plucked a frame from its perch then moved back towards Alex. He sat down beside him and handed the photograph to him.

Alex reached for the frame, his fingers brushed Jim’s and he felt a tingle through his body as he looked at the image Jim wanted him to see. It was of himself and Kyle as young boys outside Jim’s hunting cabin.

“I… don’t even remember this picture” Alex admitted.

“Well it’s been a long time since you were last here to see it”

Alex flinched as he remembered his last time in this very room. He’d suffered a very intense beating at his father’s hand and had called for help; Jim had immediately come to his aid and treated his wounds. Alex had slept on the couch until a phone call in the middle of the night about a car crash and three teen girls had seen Jim running off to investigate. He didn’t like to think about that night though for the pain was still too raw.

“So what brings you here now son?” Jim asked him.

“I didn’t want to go home” he admitted. “I uh just wanted to see a friendly face I guess” his face began to flush.

“Is there something else on your mind? You look troubled”

Alex placed the photo on the coffee table and looked down at his now empty hands. There was a lot on his mind right now but he wasn’t entirely sure how to broach the sensitive subject.

“I’ve been away a long time” Alex stated “I learned a lot and I grew up”

“You sure did”

“And I realized a lot about myself and others. My dad spent years trying to beat the gay out of me but it doesn’t work like that. Some can go their entire lives passing as straight; be it by forcing themselves into a straight lifestyle or even just not giving in, embracing who they really are… but the uh the signs are there… if you know where to look”

He carefully looked up, eyes locked onto Jim’s. It  _ wasn’t _ his imagination the older man shifted in the seat.

“I’m sure you met a lot of interesting people during your travels, Alex” Jim looked away as he spoke.

“Yeah, I did” Alex agreed. He ran his hand down his thigh almost nervously but he knew or at least thought he knew what he was doing “so many interesting people and they taught me so much”

“I’m glad, son” Jim said with a smile “I uh think the Air Force agrees with you. I mean you really have grown up”

Alex slowly looked up, his eyes locked with Jim’s again and he gently gnawed on his bottom lip, noticed the way the older man quickly looked away and he smirked to himself.

“I know everyone thinks my dad forced me into it” Alex stated as he leaned back in the seat and placed his arm lazily upon the back of the couch; his fingers dangerously close to Jim’s hair. “That I didn’t want to go and at the time, I guess they were right… My dad did awful things and not just to me”

“You’re talking about the Guerin boy, yes?”

Alex flexed his fingers but retracted his hand at the mention of Michael. The memory of watching his father destroy his hand was one he’d never be rid of.

“It was just like my dad to ruin the only good thing in my life” Alex whispered.

“Pretty sure that boy’s feelings haven’t changed… I seen him around town, he works on a ranch now but… there’s a pain inside him… I can see it in his eyes”

He averted his eyes and crossed his legs as he moved closer to Jim. Alex hadn’t come here to talk about Michael; Guerin wasn’t an option for him anymore, never would be ever again but he wasn’t crazy. He knew Michael wasn’t the only one in town who looked at him like he was special.

“That was a long time ago, Jim” Alex murmured “we were just kids; didn’t know what we wanted or what we were doing” he paused “but I didn’t come here to talk about him”

“Alex...” Jim started but trailed off.

“Please don’t ask me to leave”

“I… I wasn’t going to”

Jim closed his eyes, his face giving away more than he intended. Alex slid a fraction closer and slowly reached out, placed his hand upon Jim’s wrist.

“You’ve always been good to me” Alex whispered “more of a father to me than my own ever was but it wasn’t because my dad was a bully or because of what he did to me… No, you never looked down on me; were always kind and compassionate”

“Alex, this could be seen as inappropriate-”

“Could be but it’s not… I know you care about me”

“Of course I care about you” Jim sounded horrified at the prospect of not caring about him, the way Jesse hadn’t given a damn about him.

“But you were careful” he continued, “you didn’t care  _ too _ much as to make people suspicious”

“Alex” his voice quickly became stern.

“The night my dad… did what he did and I called you; you brought me back here and took care of me”

“It’s what any responsible parent would do”

“But  _ something _ changed that night; the way you looked at me when you learned  _ why _ my dad snapped. You’d never looked at me like that before and it wasn’t pity or shame; it was something else, something I never quite understood until recently”

Jim started to move his hand away but Alex looked up and into his eyes. Gazes locked, he turned his hand instead and his fingers slowly intertwined with the younger man’s.

“Once you realized what I’d done with Guerin” he whispered “that I’d… accepted I was gay and acted upon it… You looked at me with admiration and respect because you recognized something within me that you’d denied yourself”

“Alex” Jim’s voice was gentle but Alex could see the tears forming in his eyes.

He moved closer, kept their hands locked as he shifted and slowly climbed into Jim’s lap, straddled his thighs. Alex reached out with his other hand and placed the palm upon Jim’s chest. He could feel the older man’s heart beating rapidly beneath his touch.

“It’s okay to want this” Alex whispered “to want  _ me _ ”

“No, Alex, it’s not okay” Jim replied as he reached up and slowly ran his hand along Alex’s thigh. “I’m not gay”

“I never said you were but you’ve thought about it, you’ve wanted to… You know what it is to have these… inappropriate thoughts about men”

“I love women… all women” he explained “but I…” he blinked back the tears in his eyes “I have… wondered” he swallowed back the rest of his sentence. “Growing up in a small town, it wasn’t possible to…”

Alex shifted his weight, pressed his body closer to Jim’s and leaned in. 

“It’s possible now” Alex said to him. “You’ve been  _ so _ good to me, Jim, and all I’ve ever wanted was to find the right way to say thank you”

“No, Alex, we… can’t”

He reached up and removed Alex’s hand from his heart then held both the younger man’s hands in his, looked at his crestfallen face and his heart ached.

“I’m sorry” Jim whispered very softly “but we can’t”

Alex nodded his head, pretending to understand and he slowly raised his eyes to look at Jim’s gaze; both with tears in their eyes. A part of him  _ did _ understand though, he just didn’t want to believe it… especially since he was still sitting in the mans lap and Jim still hadn’t let go of his hands. He nodded again as they stared into the others tearfilled orbs. Alex only had one more card left to play; he leaned in and kissed him.

The moment their lips touched, Alex’s heart all but exploded with pure love, lust and admiration for Jim who was  _ kissing him back _ with an enthusiasm that matched his. Alex reached up, place his hand upon the man's neck and held him. In turn, Jim’s hand sneaked under Alex’s shirt and his fingers brushed the naked skin of his lower back. Alex arched into his touch but didn’t make a sound, simply ran his tongue across Jim’s mouth until his lips parted and he plunged deep within. He closed his eyes as he felt the man’s strong arms envelope him, holding him in a warm embrace that he never wanted to leave.

Alex’s fingers curled into Jim’s hair, held him in return as he pressed his body against the firm, muscular one of Jim Valenti. Their kisses were deep, meaningful, needy, desperate but Alex longed for  _ more _ . He didn’t want to pull away long enough to ask though.

He let Jim hold him close; his own arms wrapped around him in return but it wasn’t until both their bodies began to show signs of something deeper that Jim regained his focus and broke their kiss.

“Alex” Jim’s voice was unsteady and nervous; filled with want and longing.

“Please, Jim?” Alex whispered “I need you”

“No” his fingers still traced the skin of Alex’s lower back “this isn’t right”

“I’m not a kid anymore; you can’t get in trouble”

“And if Jesse ever found out?”

“He wouldn’t; I swear… I promise I’ll never tell anyone”

“Alex”

But Alex leaned closer, nuzzled his face against Jim’s neck and closed his eyes. For a moment he just wanted to be held in the man’s embrace. His lips found Jim’s neck and he placed butterfly kisses to his skin as Jim’s arms wrapped around him almost protectively.

“We can’t” Jim whispered “not here; Michelle will be home soon and…” he paused.

Alex could feel his own body trembling with nervous excitement.

“You remember the old hunting cabin?” Jim asked him.

“Of course”

“Meet me there tomorrow night and we can… talk”

“You promise?”

They both heard the key unlocking the front door and Alex immediately leaped from Jim’s lap onto the couch, snatched up the photograph he’d been looking at earlier.

When Michelle Valenti entered the room, she was surprised to see Alex but greeted him with a smile and a motherly hug. He was quick to decline her invitation to dinner and took his leave.

Jim walked him to the front door and Alex found himself feeling shy. It wasn’t until Jim promised to see him at 7pm the following evening that he felt his heart flutter. He left the house with a nervous bounce in his step and headed for the Wild Pony for a drink. At least Maria was always happy to see him.

*

Alex was a nervous wreck; he barely slept and was edgy all morning. He met Maria for breakfast but was too distracted to hold a conversation. It occurred to him that he didn’t actually know how to get to the cabin, having only been there in his youth and never paid any attention on the roads taken. He cut his time with Maria short and hurried home because he couldn’t ask anyone and didn’t want to bother Jim either. 

Since no one was home, he sneaked into his dad's office and poked around for an address. Failing miserably, he turned the computer on and hacked the files he needed. It was wrong and he knew it but all he was looking for was properties owned by Jim Valenti.

Once he secured the information he needed, he cleared the history then grabbed his bag and hurried out to his car. The drive took longer than he remembered but the cabin looked exactly the same. Alex knew where the spare key was hidden so he let himself inside then tried to make himself at home.

The bedroom felt smaller but the bed was plenty big enough and his heart began to hammer in his chest. In a few short hours, he’d be between those sheets in Jim’s arms and he smiled.

The afternoon passed slowly for him; once it started to grow late he took his bag into the bathroom and took great care to thoroughly wash himself then he shaved and dressed in comfortable clothes. He examined himself in the mirror even contemplated adding a touch of eyeliner but decided against it.

Alex moved about the small cabin checking his watch every three minutes. He was too nervous to eat, his stomach in knots. It had been some time since he’d given into physical desire; merely an occasional hand or blow job in the barracks though that was something he’d secretly hoped would get his father’s attention. Alex wanted his dad to know that joining the Air Force had exposed him to many other confused or open to experimentation young men.

But now he was anxious at the prospect of what was to happen this evening. He peered at his watch as 7pm came and went. Alex anxiousy sat on the bed then got up and moved to the window. Back and forth he went until it passed half seven and drew nearer to 8pm.

He had to stop looking at the deserted landscape and forced himself from the bedroom into the living room where he sank down in front of the empty fireplace. His eyes were brimming with tears but he refused to let them fall and hastily blinked them away.

How had he been so wrong? In his mind he replayed the events of the previous evening, how Jim had reciprocated his touch and his kisses… Had it all been in his head? He pictured the way Jim had looked at him and refused to believe he’d imagined it.

But what if he had? Maybe Jim had purposely sent him out here to be rid of him? What if Jim had told his father what he’d done? Alex didn’t want to think what his father would do to him if he learned Alex had come onto Jim. He shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself.

He’d been wrong and he’d screwed up. There was no coming back from this. Jim would never look at him the same way again; he’d gone and fucked up the only good relationship in his life because he’d wanted to be with a man; a man he loved and admired and respected. Alex had truly believed Jim felt the same but he’d been wrong.

Alex leaned back against the couch and shook his head, still blinking back tears. It was almost ten by now but he wasn’t going to drive back tonight. Jim’s plan to send him away had worked and now Alex was stuck in the middle of nowhere, feeling like an idiot and wishing he could think of any way to fix this. He couldn’t lose Jim, not over this.

A noise outside caused his head to jerk up, ears pricked and on alert. He could hear footsteps; maybe he’d be lucky and an axe murderer would come bursting in to kill him and put him out of his misery. The door opened very slowly and his entire body filled with relief at seeing Jim framed by the door.

“You’re here” he could hear the emotion in his voice and silently scolded himself.

“Oh  _ Alex _ ”

The way Jim said his name caused his eyes to fill but no, he was stronger than that and he forced them back as Jim pushed the door closed. Three wide strides was all it took for Jim to reach him; Jim held his hands out and Alex took them, allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and straight into the man’s strong arms. When Jim’s lips found his, he finally relaxed.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting” Jim whispered in his ear.

“I thought that maybe you changed your mind” Alex confessed “that you didn’t want this”

“I do… Want you, I promise… I never meant to… I uh…”

“Had second thoughts?”

“No!” He held Alex even tighter “I ummm I thought that maybe…” he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter now; what matters is here and now and how good it feels to have you in my arms”

Alex nodded his head against Jim’s chest, felt the man’s fingers in his hair.

“You smell amazing” Jim said to him.

“I uh” Alex blushed “showered before…”

“So did I”

They both laughed, nervously, as they looked at each other. Time was already slipping away from them but neither wanted to rush. This would be their only chance, they could never risk doing anything like this ever again. Alex reached for Jim’s belt while they started with gentle kisses.

They each kicked off their shoes and Alex tried to pull Jim towards the couch but the older man scooped Alex into his arms, like he’d done years ago but this time he carried him into the bedroom and carefully placed him upon the bed.

Alex’s heart was racing; he’d wanted this for so long and couldn’t entirely believe it was finally happening. He started to unbutton his pants but Jim stopped him and he froze until Jim’s whispered ‘let me’ tickled his ear and he relaxed again.

So he settled back and  _ waited _ . This was his gift to Jim, for everything the kind man had done or tried to do for him. Words could never express his gratitude but  _ this _ could. 

Jim knew the priceless treasure he was being given and it was a prize he wasn’t going to waste a second or inch of.

His heart was beating furiously with nervous excitement as Jim slowly stripped him bare, until he was wearing nothing but his dog tags. The man’s breath hitched frequently at how precious Alex was and he took his time to kiss and caress every inch of his skin. It was slow and beautiful, almost painful at how he was able to prolong his exploration. Alex tried not to beg or whine but it was hard because Jim’s hands and lips just felt so  _ damn good _ . 

He arched into his touch, wanting so badly, for Jim to touch him in the right places but he really was taking his time. Alex had  _ never _ had someone spend so much time getting acquainted and he wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about it; it was definitely torturous for every kiss, every touch, every lick, every caress made him feel loved and appreciated but he was also damn horny and just wanted things to progress slightly quicker.

No, he didn’t want it to be over too quickly either. He just didn’t think he could survive this kind of prolonged affection especially given how much his cock was already aching for release. Jim wasn’t touching him there though, seemed to be enjoying the feel of Alex’s skin beneath his fingers. He spent an awful long time teasing and tweaking his nipples to the point Alex was biting his tongue.

Years under his father’s roof and scrutiny had taught Alex to be quiet, especially when it came to pleasurable activities. He longed suspected his vocal slip years ago was what had tipped his father to investigate the tool shed that fateful afternoon.

As much as he loved this, he wanted more but didn’t want to scare Jim away. His breath hitched when Jim caressed his abdomen then kissed his navel. Alex held back a sob but he couldn’t keep his want and need in much longer.

“Jim, stop” he breathed.

To his surprise Jim immediately leapt off the bed with an almost guilty look in his eyes.

“I’m sorry” he whispered “this is too much for you”

“No!” Alex cried as he sat up and reached out to grasp Jim’s trembling hand. “I just… I want you to feel good about this too”

“I… I do”

But Alex slid off the bed and stood before him. He leaned in and kissed his lips as he started to unbutton his shirt, pushed it off his shoulders then wrapped his arms around him so their naked chests pressed together and he could feel the excitement Jim was experiencing against his thigh.

They held each other for a moment, Alex closed his eyes and just relaxed in the man’s arms. His entire body was still tingling from Jim’s affection and his heart was aflutter. He finally pulled away and reached for the crotch of the older man’s pants. Jim’s hand closed over his then Alex felt his other hand on his chin urging him to look up at him.

“You don’t have to do that” Jim assured him.

“I want to” Alex insisted with a smile.

He hastily shoved his pants and underwear down but didn’t even give him a chance to step out of them before taking the hard cock between his lips and deep into his throat. This was a skill he’d perfected during his time in the Air Force and he was very eager to show Jim all that he’d learned but he also didn’t want the man to come just yet.

So he brought him close to the edge several times, enjoying the way Jim tugged on his hair and told him how good it felt, how much he was enjoying it. He wanted Jim to be proud of him.

Alex didn’t let him come; he pulled away then kissed a trail up his chest until he found his lips and Jim pulled him into his arms again.

Jim was so gentle with Alex, like he was a precious gift. He carefully set him back down on the bed and cast aside his remaining clothes before climbing atop of him and claiming his lips. Alex surrendered completely and loved the feeling of being covered, protected by Jim.

He instinctively started to move his hips, grinding their cocks together and moaning against Jim’s hungry mouth. He slowly reached between their bodies, took Jim’s cock in his hand and started stroking him. Lips still locked, Jim thrusting into his touch, Alex’s mind filled with the usual mantra.

‘Please, please, yes, yes, please daddy’

Alex felt Jim pull away and he opened his eyes, looked up at him in confusion.

“Daddy?” Jim whispered, a frown on his lips.

Alex felt his entire body blush with utter embarrassment. Fuck, had he said that out loud?

He turned his face away, closed his eyes but he felt Jim’s hand on his cheek and he opened his eyes.

“I didn’t… didn’t mean it” Alex explained. “Not like… not like that”

“Just slipped out, did it?”

“There’s uh this guy I sometimes do stuff with and he uh likes me to call him that”

“So you were thinking about him while…?”

“No! I uh it just… it slipped out”

Jim leaned down and gently kissed Alex’s lips.

He reached up, hand gently caressed Jim’s chest and moved up to grasp his neck. Alex pulled him back down for another kiss. They passed the next few minutes exchanging kisses until the awkwardness shifted and Jim moved. Alex let him take the lead, allowed him to guide his body to where he wanted him.

Alex closed his eyes and savored the feeling of Jim’s large hands gently caressing his back. When Jim’s fingers pressed inside him, Alex gasped and moaned the older man’s name.

*

Everything Jim did to him was better than he could ever imagine. Alex’s entire body was worked to the absolute brink of heightened arousal over and over again. When he finally came, after what felt like hours of blissful torture, he all but passed out from exhaustion.

Alex awoke to a half dressed Jim Valenti in bed with him, his own head rested in the older man’s lap and he looked up at him with a shy nervousness but Jim simply smiled at him and Alex sighed with relief.

“Are you leaving already?” Alex asked him.

“In a little while” Jim replied “I just… wanted to watch you sleep a bit longer”

He rolled onto his stomach and looked up at Jim, his fingers toying with the dog tags around his neck. Alex smiled when Jim placed his hand on his cheek and he kissed his palm.

“Thank you, Alex,” Jim said, still smiling. “For everything”

“Its okay, you don’t have to say it”

“Say what?”

“That it can’t happen again”

“It goes without saying, doesn’t it, son?”

Alex took Jim’s hand in his and entwined their fingers.

“You’re a remarkable young man, Alex,” Jim told him “the Air Force agrees with you. When do you ship out again?”

“Day after tomorrow”

“Will you be seeing anyone else while in town?” Jim asked.

“Maria and Mimi” he replied.

“No one else?” Alex shook his head. “What about Michael Guerin?”

Alex averted his eyes, rolled onto his back and didn’t look at Jim.

“Guerin isn’t part of my life anymore,” he admitted.

“Does he know that?”

“Why would you ask me that, Jim?”

“Because that boy still loves you” Alex snorted in disbelief. “Remember I told you he works on a ranch now?” Alex nodded.

“After you left, I kept an eye on him… I thought maybe your father might go after him again” Jim explained “he didn’t but I always thought he might… One night I found him sleeping in his truck, it was raining and he was hauled up in the cab but I took him a coffee and an extra blanket. Told him my garage was always unlocked if he needed a dry place to sleep”

“He didn’t-”

“Of course not... until it snowed one night; I found him the next morning, all bundled up out of the cold. He was still half frozen, I took him inside and gave him a warm meal. He looked ready to flee at the drop of a hat… and he did… took a photo from the mantle with him”

“He did? Which one?”

“From that summer before your senior year; we were fishing and your father said no one would have supper until we  _ all _ caught one fish… you caught the biggest one and Kyle took a photo of you… black nail polish, eyeliner, nose ring, the giant fish and flipping him off”

Alex didn’t know what to say.

“That boy loves you” Jim insisted “he always will”

“Jim?” Alex said his name so softly. The older man placed his hand on Alex’s cheek, gently stroked his face. “Why did you almost stand me up?”

He sighed as he pulled his hand away; he looked somewhat ashamed.

“I was afraid to get my hopes up,” he admitted “see, Jesse and I haven’t exactly been seeing eye to eye lately and I” he paused “he’s been looking for leverage… more than he’s already got anyway… and I feared the worst… that he was somehow blackmailing you into… propositioning me”

Alex reached for his hand and squeezed it with a small smile on his lips.

“I shouldn’t have doubted you, Alex” he said to him. “I’m sorry and I’m sorry for making you think I wasn’t coming”

The alarm on Jim’s watch beeped and he sighed.

“I have to go” he said to Alex.

“Wait” Alex squeezed his hand again while removing his tags with the other. He undid the clasp and removed a ring from the chain.

“This belonged to my mother,” Alex explained. “She left it behind and I took it from her jewelry box, have kept it with me ever since. Dad knows I have it or at least I think he does… but he’s never tried to take it from me”

He turned it over in his fingers then held it out to Jim.

“Can you keep it safe for me? Please?” He asked.

“Alex?”

“I kept it with me in Iraq but I was scared I’d lose it and I don’t… there’s no one I love or trust more to protect it for me”

His hand was trembling as Jim opened his palm and Alex placed the ring in his outstretched hand.

“I promise to keep it safe for you, son”

“Thank you”

Jim leaned down and placed one final kiss upon Alex’s lips.

“Thank you”

Alex watched as Jim finished getting dressed. He tucked the ring in his top pocket and petted it with his hand.

“I’ll never forget” Jim whispered.

“Neither will I” Alex agreed. “I’ll see you real soon, to get my ring back”

“And I’ll be here, waiting to give it to you”

“Thanks daddy” Alex whispered as Jim pulled a face.

“Still awkward” Jim said.

“Yeah, still awkward”

Alex smiled as he lay his head on the pillow and Jim tenderly touched his cheek.

“Stay safe, son and I’ll see you real soon”

“Goodbye, Jim”

*

That was the last time Alex saw Jim alive. 

He returned home for the man’s funeral, of course, but he never got the chance to say goodbye or get his mother’s ring back. 

It broke his heart knowing he’d never see either ever again.

*-*-*-*-*

Kyle had been pouring over the stolen files from Caulfield for days. He knew it was borderline unhealthy, watching the video footage of Jesse Manes orchestrating the murder of his father, on a continued loop but he believed he’d find some new clue, some possible explanation as to why Jesse Manes wanted his father dead.

He knew he could ask the man but he was currently in a medically induced coma. The longer he stayed that way the less Kyle wanted him to wake up but with each passing day, he raised more and more questions. 

It didn’t help that Alex had all but checked out; not that he blamed him in any way. The destruction of Caulfield, his father’s attempt to murder Kyle and subsequent being in a coma not to mention the whole Michael and Maria debacle. Kyle was certain Alex had taken refuge at the cabin but he wasn’t answering any of his calls or texts so he couldn’t be one hundred percent sure.

Every morning, before work, Kyle went to the bunker and looked over the files. He watched the video of his father, Jesse and subject N-38 right before shutting it all down and heading to the hospital where he watched over the sleeping Jesse Manes. He couldn’t leave him like this forever, as much as he wanted to, besides he needed answers. 

Kyle tried to call Alex again but only got his voicemail. He left yet another message saying they needed to talk but he wasn’t expecting a response. Kyle knew he didn’t need Alex’s permission to wake Jesse, he hadn’t asked for his consent to put him in a coma in the first place.

Two more days passed with no word from Alex and Kyle was on the brink of a breakdown. He literally had no one to talk to. Couldn’t drop this on his mother; Michael and Maria weren’t exactly close confidants of his and Liz was beyond distracted with Max’s body being stored in a pod while Rosa tried to understand her terse friendship with Isobel.

Alex was the only person who knew what he was going through and he couldn’t understand why the man wasn’t asking the same questions he was. He’d seen Alex’s face when he’d watched the video of Jesse’s hand in Jim’s death. Didn’t Alex want to know  _ why _ he’d done it?

Kyle was sitting by Jesse’s bedside, simply staring at the man as feelings of hatred and anger washed over him. He knew he needed to check himself, control his emotions since he had all the power here or so he thought. He was risking his career by keeping Jesse in this state, it was a miracle no one had caught on yet but he couldn’t keep it up indefinitely. Kyle made one final attempt to contact Alex but his mind was already made up. He was going to wake Jesse Manes and demand answers.

The next day, still no word from Alex, he once again sat by Jesse’s side as he waited for the man to awaken. He wanted to be the first face Jesse saw when he opened his eyes. It was important to Kyle for Jesse to see he’d been outwitted again. First by Alex and now by Kyle. He wanted Jesse to know how much he loathed him for what the man had done to his father.

When Jesse’s eyes finally opened, Kyle remained stoic at his side though it took all his willpower to resist leaning over and strangling him with his bare hands.

“Kyle” was all Jesse said.

“Master Sergeant” Kyle replied coldly.

They stared at each other for a long time; neither quite able to put into words what they wanted to say though Kyle was certain the anger and hatred he felt towards the man before him was shooting from his eyes. He reached for the call button and a moment later, two of his co-workers entered the room. 

They both started fussing about, checking his vitals while Kyle stepped back and let them work.

“Doctor Valenti, you’re here again?” One asked.

“He’s an old family friend” Kyle felt sick just saying the words but he had to sell it. Neither questioned him further and Jesse didn’t dispute his claim.

The Doctors finished their assessment then took their leave, believing Jesse was fine under Kyle’s supervision.

“Bet you weren’t expecting to see me when you woke up, were you?” Kyle snapped as he moved closer.

“Where’s my son?” Jesse asked, ignoring Kyle.

“What? You thought Alex would be here? Worrying about your pathetic-”

“Flint… Does he know what you did to me?”

“Does he know what you tried to do to  _ me _ ?” 

Jesse looked down at his hospital bracelet, traced it with his finger.

“I have questions for you” Kyle hissed “and you’re going to answer them. All of them”

“I have nothing to say to you son”

“I am  _ not _ your son. Don’t you dare call me that!”

Jesse merely grunted and Kyle could feel his anger rising. He was furious that Alex wasn’t here; that he had to do this on his own. The last time he’d been alone with Jesse, the man had tried to put a bullet in his chest.

“I know all about Project Shepherd” Kyle continued “about Caulfield and what you were doing out there. The things you did and not just to those captive aliens”

“What exactly are you accusing me of, s… Kyle?”

“You know damn well” he said through gritted teeth. “You killed my dad”

Jesse yawned, indifferently.

“Your father got what he deserved” he explained “he died of a brain tumor”

“You and I both know that’s not true”

“Jim Valenti died of a brain tumor”

“Caused by subject N-38 and you pushing him into the cage with him”

Jesse scoffed.

“I need to know  _ why _ you did it”

“I don’t have to tell you why”

“I  _ need _ to know”

Jesse looked up at him, his eyes narrowed and hard.

“You murdered him in cold blood” Kyle snapped “Alex told me you were a monster but I never believed it… never wanted to believe it. I’ve known you my entire life; I looked up to you… When you told me about aliens, how  _ they _ were the monsters… I had no idea the real monster was  _ you _ ”

Jesse laughed and the sound cut right through Kyle. He balled his hands into fists and shoved them into his pockets to stop himself from hitting the soldier.

“I have nothing to say to you” Jesse said again.

“Tell me why you killed him!” Kyle’s voice shook with a mix of hurt and frustration. “Did my father come around? Realize what you were doing was wrong? Did he try to stop you?”

“Your father was no saint, Kyle”

“Don’t-”

“You think he had an epiphany one day? He was a sick, twisted man”

“Don’t you  _ dare _ imply-”

“He cheated on your mother, so many times… there was no limit to how far he went… an innocent, troubled girl half his age-”

Kyle unclenched his jaw.

“Rosa Ortecho was his daughter” Kyle insisted “not a victim or a conquest. He never touched her”

Jesse smirked and raised his eyebrow. He clearly hadn’t banked on Kyle knowing that truth, had tried to manipulate it to his advantage but Kyle wasn’t buying it; Jesse Manes would not have cared if Jim Valenti had had an affair with Rosa Ortecho. Jesse didn’t even care about his own kids enough to worry about others that he wasn’t related to.

Kyle didn’t like being lied to, didn’t like being played or people wasting his time. He stepped towards the bed and grasped the front of Jesse’s hospital gown, drew a hard expression and glared into the man’s eyes.

“Tell me the truth!” He hissed “why did you murder my father?”

“Knowing the truth won’t make you feel better, Kyle” Jesse said as he reached up, pried Kyle’s hand free.

“Tell me!” His teeth were still gritted but he could feel tears threatening to form in his eyes. Jesse had answers and was refusing to give them to him.

“I was protecting my family” Jesse finally admitted. 

“Protecting your…” Kyle trailed off and steeled himself. “You’ve never cared for your family. You beat Alex for being gay, you forced all your children into the Air Force, you sent your own wife away”

“Everything I’ve ever done was to protect my family!” Jesse snapped. “I taught them discipline, ensured they had viable careers. Protected them from outside threats”

It was Kyle’s turn to scoff.

“Outside threats?” He shook his head in disbelief “ _ you _ were the threat, Master Sergeant”

“Your father suffered the same perversion as Alex and he chose to act upon it” Jesse snapped.

Kyle’s entire body froze but he managed to shake his head, no. Jesse had already lied to him about Rosa, pulling Alex into his lie was another cruel and low blow.

“I didn’t realize until it was too late” Jesse explained.

“ _ You’re lying _ ”

“Think about it, Kyle; how much your dad  _ cared _ about Alex, watched him, was always close with him, affectionate even”

“No!”

“The photos on the mantle in your living room, how many was he in?”

“We grew up together; Alex and I were inseparable over the summers… I would’ve known if my dad-”

“Was cunning, careful”

“No”

“He was sly; Alex was an easy, vulnerable target and he knew it”

“My dad never would’ve laid a finger on Alex or anyone else. He was a good man and you can not taint my memories of him or drag his good name through the mud”

“You wanted the truth, Kyle; I stopped your father the only way I could think of… the only way to ensure he’d never molest my son ever again”

“No!” Kyle all but shouted as the anger engulfed him. His chest began to tighten, he found it hard to draw breath. “No… No… No… He wouldn’t…”

“He wouldn’t try to buy Alex’s silence either” Jesse added “it’s not like he gave him anything significant or extravagant after he passed…”

Kyle took a step back. He reached up and rubbed his chest. His father had left Alex the hunting cabin and Alex had pretended not to know why… Of course Alex wouldn’t tell him if his father had hurt him. He remembered, just once, he’d asked Alex if he could see the letter Jim had left and Alex had told him he’d thrown it away.

He felt utterly sick to his stomach. It didn’t make any sense; he couldn’t recall a single time he’d witnessed his father act inappropriately towards Alex. Was he just remembering incorrectly or was Jesse still lying to him.

“I don’t believe you” Kyle insisted “my father was not… capable of doing that and definitely not to Alex”

He reached up and unbuttoned his collar, still trying to draw breath and stop himself from hyperventilating. Jesse Manes looked at him with smug satisfaction and Kyle knew he couldn’t stay any longer, wouldn’t get any truth from the man. Kyle turned on his heel and started towards the door.

“I have proof, Kyle”

Kyle froze but didn’t turn back around. He couldn’t stand to look at this lying piece of trash any longer.

“There’s a safe hidden in my house; in Flint’s old bedroom, under the bed. The code is the date of my wedding. It’s all in there” 

“Why are you telling me this? I could take it, destroy it and there’d be no so called proof anymore”

“But you would know the truth; how your father broke the code and molested a child; my child”

“Stop saying that word!”

“Your father needed help but both of them had their perversion and they both enjoyed it”

“No” Kyle shook his head.

“You don't have to believe me, Kyle but you wanted answers and there they are”

Kyle didn’t know what else to say so he stormed right out of the room. His heart was thumping as he blinked the unshed tears from his eyes. He hurried to the parking lot and collapsed behind the wheel of his car. Kyle pulled out his phone; still nothing from Alex.

He felt sick; threw the door open again and dry retched on the pavement before wiping his mouth. He smashed his hand against the steering wheel.

Jesse Manes couldn’t be trusted; Kyle knew it but what proof could he have to back up this ridiculous tale? He drove to his mother's house and went inside. Nothing much had changed over the years; the furniture was the same, the same family photos filled the walls and the mantle. Kyle moved towards them and started examining the images.

His stomach was in less knots when he could only find three photos of himself and Alex as kids but there were a fair few recent images there now. Maybe his mother had removed some? He couldn’t ask her though, didn’t want to draw attention and he would never tell her the ridiculous story Jesse had spun.

As he lay in bed that night, all he could think about was Jesse’s claim that his father had molested Alex. It just couldn’t be true! 

It didn’t help that Alex was currently off the grid. Was he at the cabin? Had his father been inappropriate with Alex up there? If so, why would Alex still go there? What if Jesse hadn’t been lying, and Alex  _ had _ enjoyed it? Did he go there to reminisce or had his father forced him into something he didn’t want? Was Alex a victim in all this, fighting to keep the truth from Kyle?

Before sunrise, Kyle was out of bed and on his way to the Manes home. The front door was locked so he knocked, not really expecting anyone to be there so he was surprised when Flint opened the door.

“Valenti” he greeted him.

“Manes” Kyle replied equally as curt “been to see your dad?”

“I should shoot you on the spot for what you did”

“He deserves worse”

“What are you doing here?” Flint asked him.

“Your dad said there was a safe that I should look in…”

Flint gasped and Kyle froze. That wasn’t a good sign, was it?

“He… told you about your dad and what he did to Alex?”

Kyle lunged at Flint.

“My father didn’t do anything!” He shrieked.

“If you really thought that, then you wouldn’t be here right now”

“Are you going to give me the code or what?”

“Fine but don’t say we didn’t warn you”

*-*-*-*-*

Alex was curled up on the bed in the cabin; had been for days, but at least he’d finally stopped crying. It had all been too much. 

Watching Michael’s decline as he prepared to blow himself up at Caulfield with his loud cries of ‘I don’t love you’; seeing him in the trailer all covered in blood that Alex  _ knew _ was his and he lied about to his face; watching the video of his own father pushing Jim Valenti into the cell with subject N-38 and effectively signing his death certificate; waiting outside the airstream to tell Michael all of that only to be stood up.

He’d waited outside the airstream all morning, replaying Jim’s murder over and over in his mind until it became too much and he was forced to retreat. Alex had gone home, packed a bag and fled. Of course he ran to his only safe haven which didn’t feel overly safe anymore.

Once inside he collapsed on the couch and finally gave it to his feelings. He passed the next hour as a sobbing mess, his entire body wracked with tears of guilt. His father had murdered Jim in cold blood and he may never know why since the man was in a medically induced coma, one Alex wasn’t sure he’d awake from.

Alex had known his father to be cold and ruthless but he’d never imagined him capable of murder. He’d seen the anger in him many times though none quite as bad as  _ that night  _ in the toolshed. His father hadn’t even hesitated as he repeatedly took that hammer to Michael’s hand… when all Michael had done was try to protect Alex.

Jim’s words echoed repeatedly in his mind.

‘That boy loves you… he always will’

Alex had been a fool to think that wasn’t true. He’d seen it the moment he’d been faced with Michael outside his airstream all those months ago… before the reunion, before he’d known about aliens, before everything in his life had been turned on its head. 

He’d even heard Michael shout the opposite and hadn’t believed him.

‘I don’t love you… I don’t’

Right now his entire being was torn between these two statements. Jim telling him Michael would always love him followed immediately by Michael telling him he didn’t. He longed to believe both of them because neither had ever lied to him. Though he truly believed Michael had said it in a desperate bid to save his life. Despite all that, Alex had refused to leave him because he couldn’t bare the thought of losing Michael. He’d already lost Jim, he didn’t want to lose Michael too. He hadn’t been able to save Jim but he’d fought his best to save Michael.

Alex had lost track of how long he’d been out here. His phone had died hours ago or was is days now? He knew running away hadn’t been his wisest decision ever but he couldn’t stay in town, couldn’t face his unconscious father especially if the man woke up while he was there. He was angry and hurt and confused. Not for the first time he actually wished he was still on active duty; it had always been a comfort to have a routine and be told where to go, what to do even when to eat. Right now he wanted someone to tell him what to do.

His food supplies had all but depleted so he definitely needed to venture out of the cabin but he hadn’t showered in days. That would be his first priority once he actually got up. His stomach eventually won out and he struggled to his feet, stumbled into the bathroom which still hadn’t been equipped for his current nay permanent condition. Balancing on one leg on a wet surface was not a smart decision on his part so he felt rather liberated once he successfully managed to wash himself. He also considered himself extremely lucky and vowed never to attempt it again.

Alex pulled his jacket on, grabbed his keys and opened the front door. The first thing he saw was a car with Kyle behind the wheel. It appeared to be parked yet Alex hadn’t heard him drive up. His seatbelt was still on so he hadn’t attempted to leave the car yet. Ignoring the grumbling of his stomach, Alex started towards Kyle but stopped in front of the car when his eyes met Kyle’s and he couldn’t read the expression on his face.

They stared at each other for a long time. It was inevitable that it would come to this; they hadn’t talked about what they’d learned. The fact they both now knew that Jesse Manes had murdered Jim Valenti. Alex’s father had killed Kyle’s father. It was something they  _ needed _ to talk about. Alex held Kyle’s gaze as the Doctor unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the car door.

He didn’t move while Kyle climbed out and closed then locked it. Once Kyle started towards him with his hands in his pockets Alex still couldn’t read the emotions on his face. He’d always been able to gage Kyle but in that moment he was like a brick wall.

“Kyle?” He started to ask.

“Inside” Kyle walked right past him and up to the porch. Alex merely turned and followed him.

They made their way inside while Alex’s stomach churned though not entirely from hunger. He stood by the doorway while Kyle moved about the cabin, eyes darting every which way as though he were looking for something. 

“Kyle, what are you doing here?” Alex finally asked him.

“You’ve been unreachable for a week” Kyle stated.

“I uh had some shit to work through”

“So you came here?”

“I have nowhere else to go” Alex said with a shrug.

“So you came here” he repeated “a place from our childhood… lots of happy memories for you here?”

Alex shifted under Kyle’s stare. He didn’t like his tone nor was he even sure why Kyle was talking to him like that.

“If you’ve got something to say, Kyle… Just spit it out” Alex snapped back as he folded his arms across his chest.

“We both know what your dad did to Guerin” Kyle started. Alex’s eye twitched; he didn’t want to talk about Michael. “And now we know what your dad did to mine” Alex looked away, the video still fresh in his memory “so I need to know what my dad did to  _ you _ ”

Alex’s head shot up and he looked at Kyle with eyes open in surprise as his stomach dropped.

“Your dad…” Alex coughed to clear his throat “he didn’t do anything to me, Kyle. Where would you ever get an idea like that?”

“Your dad” he explained. His tone was dripping with pain and anger.

“The Master Sergeant is in a coma-”

“I woke him up”

“You did  _ what _ ?”

“I had questions and he had the answers” tears brimmed in Kyle’s eyes “you weren’t to be found and I couldn’t ignore the facts. It was tearing me apart… knowing he’d done it but not any possible reason as to why! I thought my father was a good man-”

“He was, Kyle” Alex insisted. He took a step closer and reached out a hand but Kyle moved further away from him, “your father was an honorable man-”

“Then why do  _ you _ think your dad killed him?”

Alex paused; his father was a cruel and ruthless man who’d shot Kyle for interfering with Project Shepherd even though he was the one who’d told Kyle about the entire thing. He’d never understood how his father’s mind was so twisted that he’d beat his own son not to mention maiming a teenage boy for loving his son.

“My father was a cruel, twisted man who manipulated everyone into doing what he wanted” Alex explained “if your father dared to defy him, to go against him…”

“That’s not the reason he told me”

“My father is a bigot and a liar too so there’s that”

Kyle took a deep breath to steady and calm himself. He blinked back the tears and slowly looked up at Alex.

“He told me he did it to protect you” Kyle stated.

“Protect  _ me _ ? I was in the Middle East when-”

“I don’t know how to ask this, Alex because the very idea makes me feel sick to my stomach but I need to know if Jesse was lying”

“Kyle-”

“Did my father rape you?”

Alex felt his heart drop into his stomach and it took every ounce of his strength to not collapse or even throw up at the very suggestion of Jim ever doing something like that, not just to him but to anyone. Jim was the kindest, sweetest, gentlest man he’d ever met and he would never dream of doing anything so cruel as that.

Where would his father ever have come up with a story like that to spill to Kyle unless he’d  _ somehow _ found out the truth and was manipulating it to suit him, to justify his sick actions.

But Alex’s reaction and hesitation only served as confirmation to the already upset Kyle.

“Oh God, Alex?” Kyle gasped as he collapsed on the couch, hyperventilating. Alex hurried to his side and tried to calm him down. “That’s… that’s why… why he left you… this cabin… and…”

“No! Kyle, I’m sorry the question just shocked me” Alex hastened to explain “I swear your father didn’t do anything like that to me… I promise and I swear and I’ll give you any other vow you need. Your father was a good man, Kyle”

It took a few moments for his breathing to return to normal because each time he got close, he’d look at Alex then lose it again. Alex eventually left the room to get him a glass of water and when he returned Kyle seemed to be breathing more evenly.

“I didn’t want to believe him” Kyle explained. “Because I didn’t think my dad was capable… I mean, I knew he had affairs and cheated on my mom a lot but they were consensual or so I thought”

“I’m sure they were”

“Jesse told me that my dad had an affair with Rosa; he was surprised when I corrected him about her being his daughter… So, when he said my dad… molested you and that… that you let him” Alex’s heart dropped again “I wanted to believe that was a lie too but he said dad bought your silence and… I remembered he left you this place which never  _ really _ made sense to me”

Kyle took a deep breath and placed the now empty glass on the coffee table.

“I remembered last time I was here” he continued “you told me my dad left you a letter, saying you could have the place but that you’d destroyed the letter… which seemed weird to me… then when we moved this” he kicked the coffee table “you told me it wasn’t a good idea to go down there, tried to talk me out of it… and yesterday it got me thinking that maybe you knew all along that it was down there… that maybe my dad took you there and” he choked on the words “did things to you”

“Kyle, I swear… I had no idea that bunker was down there” Alex insisted “I had never seen it before”

“And the letter? Why would you destroy it if my dad cared enough to leave you think place?”

“I didn’t destroy it, Kyle, I just couldn’t let you read it”

“Because he said things in it that you didn’t want me to know about? Stuff like this?”

Kyle reached into his pocket and pulled out a photograph. It wasn’t great quality, probably taken on an old phone but it was enough to make out the image of Alex, his naked chest and dog tags visible but his eyes were closed as he was clearly asleep.

His jaw dropped in surprise as his heart skipped a beat. He swallowed back any feasible response he could possibly give.

“If my dad was such a stand up guy, why did he have this?” Kyle asked. “How did he get this?”

“Where did you get that?”

“Your dad said he had proof”

“One grainy photo that you can’t even prove who took it?”

Kyle placed the photo face down on the coffee table.

“After I saw this, along with copies of the deed for this place and transfer of ownership, I went back to the hospital and confronted your dad again” Kyle explained “he said you and my dad were ongoing for a long time, even after you joined the Air Force… he said pedaphiles like to keep trophies and that my dad took one from you… a ring that belonged to your mother… something you held dear and that he was just trying to get it back for you when he killed him”

“Kyle-”

“So I’m asking you, one last time,  _ what _ did my dad do to you?”

“Kyle” Alex began as tears formed in his own eyes. He’d never wanted Kyle to know about any of this but he couldn’t lie to him about it now the cat was out of the bag. “Your father never raped or molested me… the very idea that you’d even contemplate believing that makes me feel sick… and it wasn’t ongoing for a long time”

“But something  _ did _ happen?”

“Yes”

Kyle squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“It was after I got back from a mission, just after my twenty second birthday so I was of age and” he paused “it was completely one hundred percent consensual”

Kyle held his hand up, eyes still closed.

“I don’t need to hear-” 

“It was one time, Kyle, I swear” Alex insisted.

He started shaking his head, eyes still closed and got to his feet. Kyle started towards the door but Alex reached out and grabbed his hand to stop him from leaving.

“Kyle” Alex tried but Kyle wrenched his hand free and continued across the room. “Kyle, wait!”

Kyle’s hand was on the doorknob, shoulders squared.

“I can’t” Kyle argued “I can’t even look at you right now”

“You came all this way because you thought your dad hurt me but now you know the truth suddenly I’m the bad guy?”

Kyle slowly turned around and faced Alex with tears in his eyes.

“Alex, you had sex with my dad!” He declared “its like I didn’t know him at all”

“You did know him; he was your dad and-”

“Then how did I not know about Caulfield? What he was doing to those aliens?”

“He was trying to protect you; my dad didn’t tell me about Project Shepherd either”

“But how did I not know he was gay?”

“Because he wasn’t”

Kyle turned around again and opened the door. Alex called out but Kyle disappeared outside so he got to his feet and hurried after him. Kyle was halfway to his car.

“He wrote you a letter” Alex called out which made Kyle stop.

“What?” He spun around and practically glared at Alex who sighed.

“The letter he left me saying I could have this place… there was an envelope with instructions to give it to you if you ever found out about us”

“No! I don’t want you calling you and him an  _ us _ ”

“It’s why I couldn’t show you the one he left me”

“So what did it say? The letter he left me”

“I don’t know; I didn’t open it”

“So where is it? What did you do with it?”

“It’s in a safety deposit box in town… both letters are… I had to make sure no one would find them by accident”

“Get in the car, Alex!” Kyle shouted. “Get in the fucking car!”

“Kyle-”

“You’re going to get me that letter, now”

Alex knew there was no point in fighting him but he wasn’t about to leave his car here or endure hours of angry silence in a vehicle with Kyle so he walked by him and straight to his own car.

“I’ll meet you there” he called over his shoulder before climbing into his car.

Kyle hurried over and jumped into the passenger seat.

“We’re not splitting up” Kyle insisted.

“So you’re just going to leave your car here indefinitely?”

“Fine”

Kyle climbed out and made his way back to his car. Alex started the ignition and backed down the drive before turning the car around and heading for the main road. Kyle’s car stayed on his bumper for the entire drive.

*

By the time they reached the bank Alex had shed more tears than he expected. He climbed out of the car and found himself face to face with Kyle who still looked pissed. Alex knew he couldn’t really blame him. Just another reason why he never wanted Kyle to know the truth.

They didn’t say a word to each other as they made their way inside then waited to be escorted to the boxes. The staff member left them alone but the second the box was open Kyle snatched the letter from Alex’s hand.

Alex didn’t put up a fight; the letter was rightfully Kyle’s. He felt genuinely guilty for keeping it from him for so long but Jim’s instructions had been very specific. Alex watched as Kyle just held the letter and traced his name with his finger while his eyes welled with tears.

He didn’t dare reach out to offer him comfort as he didn’t believe Kyle would willingly accept it from him right now. Kyle stared at the thick envelope for a long time. His fingers trembling as he carefully broke the seal.

Neither spoke but Alex watched very carefully as Kyle read the handwritten letter. Twice his eyes brimmed with tears so thick he had to stop reading and even collapsed in the chair. It pained Alex to see Kyle in such pain but he didn’t know what to do for him. He wondered if maybe he just needed some time alone so he took a step toward the exit but Kyle reached out and grabbed his hand to stop him leaving.

Alex paused; placed his hand on top of Kyle’s and gently patted it. Kyle was openly sobbing now so Alex reached up and touched his shoulder. A few moments later, Kyle handed one of the pages to Alex.

“Kyle, I can’t” Alex tried to decline. “It’s private, between the two of you”

“Read it, please?” Kyle whispered.

Alex swallowed nervously as he took the page from Kyle and started reading.

_ ‘He told me it belonged to his mother, that he trusted me to keep it safe for him. It was important to him so I kept it close as a reminder of what he meant to me but I was careless and Jesse saw. I had to get rid of it so I put it the safest place I could think of yet Jesse still confronted me and accused me of sleeping with his wife and there was no way I could tell him the truth. Alex gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for, a chance to be true to myself and I cherish that memory. My one hope now is that as my brain goes, which I know it will, that I don’t slip up in front of someone I shouldn’t. I fear Jesse did not believe me for I can think of no other reason for him to have done this to me. I’m sorry, son. I never should have trusted Jesse Manes _ ’

Alex didn’t read the rest, simply put the page down on the table and sank into the other chair.

“It’s all here” Kyle whispered “Project Shepherd, Subject N-38, Jesse pushing him… My dad wrote this down years ago” he paused “if you’d gone against his wishes and read this”

“Kyle”

“No, I understand why you didn’t because you respected him and wanted to honor him… He must’ve forgotten he even wrote this otherwise why did he write all those confused letters?”

“He honestly never wanted you to know; I never wanted you to know”

“But how could you keep this from me?”

“We weren’t friends anymore, Kyle. Hadn’t seen each other in years then when you showed up at the cabin… there just wasn’t a good time to bring it up”

“My dad spent his entire life hiding a part of himself because of this small minded, homophobic town” 

Kyle folded the letter and slid it back into the envelope. Alex wiped the unshed tears from his eyes.

“How did you know?” Kyle asked him.

“I don’t know” Alex confessed “I just… took a chance”

“And if he’d turned you down?”

“Is that what you’d have preferred? For him to have rejected me”

“How did you know my dad better than I did?”

Alex didn’t know how to answer that. His entire relationship with Jim had been entirely different to Kyle’s. He’d looked up to, respected and loved him for the man he was and the compassion he’d shown Alex. 

“Thank you for giving me this” Kyle whispered.

“I’m sorry the circumstances-” Alex started.

“I never should have believed your father’s lies about him”

“I’m sorry I killed him”

“What?”

“Whether he believed it or not, my dad killed Jim because he thought he had an affair with my mother or with me”

“He had the photo of you so he must’ve…”

“So it was my fault; I did this to him”

Kyle tucked the envelope into his pocket. He got to his feet and walked out of the bank. Alex placed his own letter back in the box and put it away. Perhaps it didn’t need to be locked up anymore but it hurt too keep it close.

*-*-*-*-*

Michael stumbled into the Wild Pony and immediately surveyed the crowd. The bar was fairly deserted but he was relieved not to see Maria in her usual spot. He was very surprised to find Alex perched on a bar stool. He moved across the room and dropped down in the stool next to him.

He hadn’t seen Alex since the night Noah had escaped and their conversation in his airstream. Alex had been in the midst of pouring his heart out to him and Michael had been forced to run out to help his siblings. Now Max was dead, Michael had already screwed Maria over and Alex had been suspiciously absent ever since.

Michael removed his hat and placed it on the bar in front of him.

“It’s been a while” Michael greeted him.

“I’m not in the mood” Alex snapped before downing the rest of his drink and waving for another.

Michael ordered the same. They sat, side by side in awkward silence until he couldn’t bear it any longer.

“Surprised to see you here” Michael started.

“It’s Maria’s night off” Alex replied.

“It’s four in the afternoon”

“Explains why you’re here”

Michael sighed and sipped his drink but he turned in the seat and examined Alex’s profile. It was glaringly obvious to him that Alex was upset and hurting but he didn’t know how to apologize to him. He simply sat beside him and watched the man drink… and boy did he drink.

Time slipped away but Michael didn’t have anywhere to be. Alex hadn’t told him to leave and the more Alex drank, the sadder he became.

When the bartender cut Alex off he didn’t even put up an argument. Michael watched as Alex slammed a wad of cash down on the bar then slid off the stool. He was unsteady on his feet so Michael reached for him, placed his arm around Alex’s waist and started to guide him towards the door.

He felt Alex struggling in his arms but wasn’t deterred as all that mattered was getting Alex home safely. Michael escorted him to the car park and over to his truck where he helped Alex into the passenger seat.

Michael slid behind the wheel and started the ignition. He didn’t say a word as he drove in the direction of the airstream. Alex closed his eyes and leaned against Michael, his head resting upon his shoulder for the entire drive. Once he pulled off the main road and into the auto yard he stopped the truck but didn’t move.

Hands still on the wheel, he stared at the smooth skin of his fixed hand. Alex hadn’t even mentioned it. Had he been too drunk to notice?

He leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes.

Alex’s body felt so warm against his; all he wanted to do was hold him in his arms but it wasn’t that easy. He truly believed they’d find their way back to each other one day but today probably wasn’t that day.

He felt Alex stirring but he didn’t move, didn’t want to disturb him. Alex sat up and rubbed his eyes, blinking in confusion.

“Alex?” Michael whispered.

“Where am I?”

“In my truck; you’re too drunk to drive”

Alex nodded in agreement but reached for the door handle. He shoved it open and stumbled out, fell into the dirt. Michael leapt from the truck and hurried to his side as Alex struggled to get back up. 

Michael scooped Alex into his arms then used his powers to open the flatbed of the truck then he set Alex down on the pile of blankets he still kept there. Without hesitation, Michael climbed into the truck with him. It was a sign of how drunk Alex was that he let himself snuggle into Michael’s arms as they lay together on the makeshift bed.

“So why were you day drinking?” Michael asked him.

“Because I killed Jim Valenti” Alex whispered.

His eyes were closed but Michael could see the pain on his face.

“No, you didn’t” he uttered.

“Kyle hates me”

“Kyle’s an ass”

Alex began to sob so Michael pulled him close and held him tight in his arms while Alex cried. Michael knew nothing he said would make him feel better right now for he was too drunk and too upset to be reasoned with in this state.

Michael held Alex until he eventually cried himself to sleep.

Michael didn’t sleep though for all that mattered to him was Alex being back in his arms. He wished he’d asked more questions; namely why Alex suddenly believed he was responsible for Jim Valenti’s death. 

Despite being Kyle’s father, Jim had been a stand up man. Michael had been a proud, stubborn youth but Jim Valenti had helped him several times over the years. Each time, he’d somehow managed to not make Michael feel like a charity case. The blanket Alex was currently wrapped in had been given to him one very chilly night by Jim. He’d also long suspected that Jim was the reason he’d been hired at Forrester ranch all them years ago. 

He was waiting with a bottle of water when Alex awoke. It was dark out but probably not much after midnight. Alex rubbed his head as he sat up, looked around in confusion. He accepted the water from Michael and slowly sipped it without meeting his eye.

“Why do you think you killed Jim Valenti?” Michael asked.

“What?” Alex’s head shot up and he frowned at him.

“Before you fell asleep, I asked why you were day drinking and you said Kyle hated you because you killed his father”

“I just found out my dad killed Jim because of me”

“Because of you?”

“I let him fuck me” Alex paused to take a mouthful of water “and my dad found out”

“Damn” Michael sighed. “Never took him for the sleazy type”

“Jim Valenti was a great man, an honorable man and I cared about him a lot… too much… and it got him killed”

“Your dad is an ass; if he wanted Valenti dead, he would’ve used any excuse… how did you find this out anyway?”

“My dad told Kyle”

“And he believed him?”

Alex reached up and wiped his eyes.

“There was… reason to believe him,” he admitted. 

“Are you okay?” Michael asked. Alex looked at him and simply shrugged.

“Jim’s dead; my dad is a murderer; Kyle hates me and my mom… my mother’s ring is gone”

“Ring?”

Michael reached for the bottle of water and took a mouthful before handing it back.

“I had a ring that belonged to her which I kept safe but I was scared of losing it” he admitted “so I gave it to Jim after we… He promised to keep it safe for me but there was no mention of it in the letter he left me. Today I found out that he put it ‘in the safest place he could think of’ but I have no idea where that was”

He wiped his eyes again.

“I’m sorry” Michael said to him.

All he wanted to do was take Alex in his arms and tell him everything would be okay but he couldn’t do that; he didn’t even believe it himself.

He climbed over the side of the truck and made his way into the airstream. He returned a moment later with two beers and gave one to Alex.

“This’ll help” he said. Alex politely declined but Michael cracked one open and watched as Alex pulled the blanket around himself. Unsure what else to do for him, Michael went back into the airstream to put the drink away and he took a moment to take a breath, steady his thoughts and listen to his heart. When he returned to his truck, Alex was asleep again.

*

When Michael awoke in the morning, Alex was long gone. He hadn’t even heard the soldier leave. He was filled with so many regrets but there was one thing he could put right. He changed his clothes and looked around, made sure the coast was clear then he moved the airstream. Down into his bunker he went, found the box he was looking for and opened it.

The ring Jim had given him years ago was safe and secure. He tucked it into his pocket and climbed back up the ladder.

Alex didn’t answer his phone when Michael tried to call him. He had no idea where to find him either. He called both Liz and Maria but neither knew where he was. Michael didn’t have Kyle’s number so he went to his house and pounded on the door until he answered. 

Kyle looked almost as bad as Alex had and Michael actually felt for the man but Alex was his priority right now. Fortunately Kyle told him exactly where to find Alex.

Michael followed his directions until he came across the quaint cabin but Alex’s truck wasn’t there so he waited on the front porch. An hour passed then another. He wondered if maybe Alex hadn’t planned to come back here today.

It was almost midday when Michael considered giving up but a moment later, he spotted the truck and he stayed sitting on the porch until Alex stepped out of the car with a bag of groceries.

“Guerin” he greeted him “what are you doing here?”

“You left in such a hurry this morning” Michael stated as he got to his feet.

“Did it ever occur to you that was intentional on my part?”

“May be… but I had something I wanted you to see”

Alex sighed. He wasn’t in the mood for games.

Michael dropped down on one knee and whipped the cowboy hat off his head.

“Guerin, I’m not in the mood for-” Alex trailed off when Michael pulled a ring box from his pocket.

“Guerin, get up” he hissed.

But Michael just smiled up at him and opened the box. His gaze was affixed on Alex’s, watching his reaction as his eyes examined the ring then filled with tears. Michael didn’t say a word as Alex dropped the groceries he’d been carrying and fell to the ground beside him. He reached out and grabbed his wrist with one hand and the box with the other.

Michael’s heart was racing as Alex’s eyes brimmed with tears.

“Jim made me promise to keep it safe for you” Michael insisted “said I would know the right time to give it to you”

“He gave it to you” Alex’s voice shook “to keep for me”

“Because he knew how much I loved you”

“Loved?”

“Love… How much I love you, Alex”

Michael watched as Alex held the ring in his trembling fingers then placed it to his heart as tears silently rolled down his cheeks.

“Thank you” Alex sobbed.

“Maybe I should’ve given it to you sooner but-”

“But you’re giving it to me now, that’s what matters”

“A part of me liked having something that made me feel connected to you”

“You already have my heart, Guerin and you always will… but this ring… I couldn’t ask for anything more”

Alex clutched the ring to his chest as Michael wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly; placed a single kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sorry, Alex, sorry for everything”

“Don’t be sorry” Alex whispered “just kiss me”

Michael was more than happy to oblige. With his arm still around Alex he reached up with his other and carefully brushed the tears from his face. Michael tenderly cupped his cheek then leaned closer and kissed him. 

Not the usual passionate all consuming kiss just a simple and gentle caress of his lips. His heart was beating a mile a minute as Alex clung to him.

The pain he felt over Caulfield, his mother and all the other aliens who senselessly died because he tried to free them. Their deaths weighed heavily on him just as Jim Valenti’s was haunting Alex. 

Yet it was Jesse Manes who was really at fault. Michael reached out and placed his hand on top of Alex’s so they were both holding the ring so protectively. With one hand on Alex’s and the other around his trembling body, Michael made a silent promise to himself. He swore to get vengeance; for his mother, for his family, for Jim and for Alex. Jesse Manes was a monster and one day he would get what he deserved.

But right now all that mattered to him was Alex who was still trembling in his arms so Michael kissed him again and again and again until Alex finally stopped. He slowly looked up at him and Alex smiled.

“He knew you loved me” Alex whispered.

“Well I never was able to hide that” Michael admitted.

“When you got down on one knee…”

“I wasn’t uh you know…? I was just trying to lighten the mood”

“Okay”

“Because we’re not there yet, Alex. One day we will be and you’ll have the most extravagant engagement ring you’ve ever seen”

“Guerin, we don’t need expensive or extravagant things… we just need to be there, on the same page… be together”

“We will be; I swear, I’m never letting you go again. Ever”

And he meant it. They were both damaged and broken but together they could pick up the pieces and slowly make each other whole again. It was all either of them had ever wanted. Both had desperately searched for other ways to move on or forwards yet they always found a way back to each other. They always would because they belonged together. 

Jim Valenti had known it years ago and had given Alex’s most dearest possession to the one person he’d held dearest to ensure Alex would one day get it back. He trusted Michael to keep the ring and Alex safe. Michael was not going to let the man down.


End file.
